By: Drunk Guy Ky
Welcome back fantasy drunks! What a week with players going off like King Henry, Antonio Gibson, Will Fuller V (RIP), and Tyreek the freak Hill. Hopefully you listened to the staff at 365 fantasy football and had them in your line up. If you did then you were shotgunning beers with a drunk smile on your face. If you didn’t – well, you were probably sobbing and ran out of beer. Cheer up, drunks – there is another week of fantasy football to drown those sorrows, so let’s get into the shotguns of the week!
First up a player I never would have thought to make this list. Hang on; I need to slam a beer before saying this…oh, this is gross. It’s like a warm Natty Ice…but, here we go.
Bears QB Mitchell Trubisky – Yeah, that was rough to say, but hear me out. I’m not that drunk, I promise! Not yet, at least. Trubisky is a risky play and if you have stud at your QB spot obviously this one isn’t for you but if you are playing DFS or have had some injuries and you’re streaming the position, just listen to the facts. In the 2 matchups last year against the Lions, Mitch put up 25.7 and 29.9. In the 2020 season he put up 24.8. Clearly Mitch has Detroit’s number. Given that’s the only number he has, he will be dialing it again this week and is worth the start.
Jaguars RB James Robinson – Robinson has been an amazing pick up for anyone who drafted him late or got him off of waivers. A true 3-down back, he is getting drunk on touches every game. Get drunk with him while you sit back and watch him run wild against the Vikings’ middle of the road defense this Sunday.
Dolphins WR DeVante Parker – This is a tricky one. If Fitzmagic is behind center, then Parker is a no-brainer. The connection Fitz and Parker have is one for the best in the league. Going against a soft secondary in the Bengals, Parker has the opportunity to have a monster game. If Tua is in, which I’m not sure why he would be, you cannot trust Parker due to Tua’s lack of being able to move the ball.
Packers TE Robert Tonyan – With Tonyan coming off a great game last week, I expect the same coming up this week against The Eagles who cannot defend the tight end position.
Raiders D/ST- D/STs usually don’t make this list, but going up against a weak Jets offense led by Sam Darnold who would miss the hole on a beer bong, I can’t help but think if you have the opportunity to play this D/ST, you have to do it! After the beating they took last week I can see Gruden lighting a fire under the defense like a shot of Patron straight.
◦ Here comes the bed spins with the shots you are reminded you shouldn’t have taken.
◦ “Man Bear Pigs” while delicious, they are not always good for you.
Patriots QB Cam Newton – With a favorable matchup against the Chargers (26th), Cam has played like a 2nd-string quarterback as of late. Even with a nice match up last week, a high schooler could have finished better than Cam did. Keep Cam on the bench this week, or if you need the roster spot, you can drop him like that ugly chick you took home from the bar.
Seahawks RB Chris Carson – Match up looks great but until he returns to his normal touches, it’s just not safe to play him. Though last week the touch down saved him, you cannot depend on that until seeing his opportunity’s rise. 8 for 41 on the ground and 2 for 18 through the air doesn’t have me rushing to get him back into my line up.
Chargers WR Keenan Allen – Allen has been solid all year and I hate having him on this list, but he’s the Man Bear Pig! Looks good and it’s smooth going down; but later on you can experience regret! Going against a Patriots defense that is known to shut down the primary receiver. I see Allen having a rough go this week. I know you don’t want to bench him, but keep your expectations low. I have him going for 11.5 points; quite a bit lower than his projections on other platforms.
Giants TE Evan Engram – Engram is coming off his best game of the season, but if it wasn’t for a 53 yard catch and run his numbers are a lot closer to his typical game. Don’t have your beer goggles on and take home that ugly chick again. He’s the same player he’s been all year.
◦ There it is fantasy drunks, the Thirsty Thursday report is in! I got more drunk as I wrote this, but sometimes after a few drinks you see the truth.
◦ “A drunk man’s thoughts are a sober man’s truth.“ So, listen to the drunk man and win your fantasy week! Cheers, ladies and gentlemen!